Its funny how when everytime I start doing what I love doing ( passion for writing) that you start caring on the words you write; and putting deeper meaning between sentences somehow makes me..more wut? sober?
I'm prolly talking to the wall at this point, but I'm feeling this creeping sense of awakening? Its not like any of this matter anyway because ( I know) the silence of the world on all things me, is really expected. That used to bother me but I've learnt to turn silence into solitude, and all the turbulence subsides, sometimes it does come back but its already manageable.
How do I stomach the sobering reality that I'll always fly solo? By drowning everything all out, turning up the gas and blowing the whole thing sky-high! Conscience is a real mood killer! I don't think I'm going to let that bastard in anytime soon. Often, I don't need to say anything about it because I really don't fucking care! Ehh? quite strong words there, huh? Do you really think there's anything to that? Mann, I figured you must be reading too much into it coz typed every word with a smile, hey?
Maybe, I really am demented but not that's going to be a problem, nyways. I noticed how I'm distancing myself from friends who now have their own families ( my bad, prolly my subconcious), coz I hate to handle the stress from dealing with questions about my own solitary life. At times, Its funny you know? I laugh at myself, realising how much of an idiot I've been, getting upset and raging seeing how other people get along with each other just fine, and I'll never get even a slight chance of shipping with a decent girl when every attempt results in an own goal. Sometimes, it still puzzles me outta my mind at how some pairings, work out? And meanwhile there's me, who's ( obviously) cursed. Coz everyone else, no matter how ugly inside or outside, has a decent chance of finding someone, and not me. LOL
Owait, I'm not really upset you fuxx, I Just enjoy poking fun at myself. You needa learn to laugh at yourself, especially when you are reflecting on your yesteryears. Are you backing away now after reading all this? Oh chill out my fren, those were all just hot gas that needed to escape somewhere after being bottled for so long. I figured even if i will not have anyone, at least someone out there understand all that shit i had to went through before I arrived at my newfound serenity. But I know, whatever I say, I'll be only hearing the sound of my own voice echoing off these walls, accompanying me is the silence of the world.
But when silence becomes solitude. It becomes serene.
Continue reading →
I'm prolly talking to the wall at this point, but I'm feeling this creeping sense of awakening? Its not like any of this matter anyway because ( I know) the silence of the world on all things me, is really expected. That used to bother me but I've learnt to turn silence into solitude, and all the turbulence subsides, sometimes it does come back but its already manageable.
How do I stomach the sobering reality that I'll always fly solo? By drowning everything all out, turning up the gas and blowing the whole thing sky-high! Conscience is a real mood killer! I don't think I'm going to let that bastard in anytime soon. Often, I don't need to say anything about it because I really don't fucking care! Ehh? quite strong words there, huh? Do you really think there's anything to that? Mann, I figured you must be reading too much into it coz typed every word with a smile, hey?
Maybe, I really am demented but not that's going to be a problem, nyways. I noticed how I'm distancing myself from friends who now have their own families ( my bad, prolly my subconcious), coz I hate to handle the stress from dealing with questions about my own solitary life. At times, Its funny you know? I laugh at myself, realising how much of an idiot I've been, getting upset and raging seeing how other people get along with each other just fine, and I'll never get even a slight chance of shipping with a decent girl when every attempt results in an own goal. Sometimes, it still puzzles me outta my mind at how some pairings, work out? And meanwhile there's me, who's ( obviously) cursed. Coz everyone else, no matter how ugly inside or outside, has a decent chance of finding someone, and not me. LOL
Owait, I'm not really upset you fuxx, I Just enjoy poking fun at myself. You needa learn to laugh at yourself, especially when you are reflecting on your yesteryears. Are you backing away now after reading all this? Oh chill out my fren, those were all just hot gas that needed to escape somewhere after being bottled for so long. I figured even if i will not have anyone, at least someone out there understand all that shit i had to went through before I arrived at my newfound serenity. But I know, whatever I say, I'll be only hearing the sound of my own voice echoing off these walls, accompanying me is the silence of the world.
But when silence becomes solitude. It becomes serene.
Continue reading →
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